9.28 pm in Singapore

dear diary..
i'm fed up.. really fed up.. i cannot stand this injustice world... i did not get into handball.. i know that i'm okie player.. i can defend well.. may be i did not concentrate much during trials but i know that i can do it.. still she did not put me in.. the top of all is that she is soo unfair.. put all her frenz.. hate her soo much.. more.. i did not get into soccer also.. wat the hell.. i really ahte this life of shit.. cannot make it lah.. i need to run away/... and i will... i'm going bak home.. dad told me to come back alreadi... got something.. i dunno wat...
i'm scared.. soo scared...
i feel so lousy.... i thought that i was a sport person.. well according to em, i'm not.. n i hate myself so much.. i easily get depressed one.. before i do something stupid, i prefer to go away.. run away from em all.. i need time on my own.. i need to go away from here.. n i miss my parents n sisters so much.. ahha who would have thought that one day i would actually miss em...
wat a stupid life of shit...going back on 11,, they wun care.. they never care anyway.. will b so busy with the ihg.. volleyball.. she never let me play.. i stiull wonder y she put me in.. she always said " stef can u lower urself".. "stef harder.. " " stef softer".. always somethign is wrong.. i never talk that much wat,.. i alaywa the silent one.. wat the hell...
then.. i'm going back.. i miss him soo much alreadi... i wonder if he is coming back at the end of this week.. if yes, then can c him.. if not... sad lor.. no fate..
yesterday.. went clubbing.. with jhonny.. then we danse one slwo danse at e end.,. nothing wrong.. but when he holds me, i actually think that it was Him holding me..
karen also think that they r rite.. so i am e only one who find wrong in e list.. i hate this life..
how to get points.. how to stay.. how to continue... how to achieve high..
hate this life.. hate this life.. hate this life.. hate this life... hate this life...
i going clubbing.. think taht it is e only thing i can do wel.. i'm soo lousy in everything...
hate this life..
ahh one thing.. i will wait 4 fate to decide.. if no fate.. then must c how after 3 weeks... i cannot wait 4 him anymore.. cannot wait like a stupid girl sicky inlove...i wan to start anew.. so i wil go back.. n ponder about this stupid life.. then come back n start again...
God Please Help Me........................

11.20 pm in Singapore

dear diary..

today very tired.. got 5 hours of trainings.. i just hope that i get into these sports.. basketball, netball and soccer... and that i slim down ahhahaha.. :P anyway.. tomor even tough day.. going for sunley buloh.. to take care of children... and come back for volleyball training...anyway.. that's my life now... but i did not get into badmington.. so sad... anyway..
it's been a few days since holidays.. mine... since wed... i went shoping.. went to buy new shoes.. nice but ex lor.. mum gonna kill me hahahha... in fact she knows... it's okie lahh.. ahhaha they got the parcel from karen hahah they r happyy.. :P so no scolding hahah but i will need to buy soccer boots if i get into soccer.. hope soo cross my fingers.. n i want to get into netball, handball and basketball now.. i must b crazy... in fact i'm scared of not getting in.. :(

the otehr day... saturday was his last exams day.. he went back straight afeter it... guess wat he did.. he fone me..just to say byebye... just to say that he is going back.. i was tired at that time.. but after the call, i feel sooooo happy.. i dunno whyy.. i'm just being stupid i guess..
anyway.. must c how after these 2 weeks.. i really wish.. but wishing upon a star is so easyyy..
anyway.. me tired.. tomor got the sungei bulorhh/// :)

nitenite..
steffyy

i will use these two weeks.. these trainings to just try to 4get him/.....