12.46 am in Singapore

dear Diary..
just wwent makane.. y i'm writing again?? bcuz gonzese just make me realise that all through our lunch, all i talk is about him.. damned ...
i think that i'm quite doomed lor.. omg.. dun want..
i feel obssessed.. aya in fer mem betise aya.. enfin o moins pa in fer koi..
mo vraimnet content so gro 40 ahhahaha.. bonne.. :) mo cror mo vraiment lamentable.. aya.. mo k vraiment dan bez la...
mo in plein.. r mem zaffaire.. li zamais dir moi si li content moi ou pa..
i feel hurt.. i feel that this is going nowhere... no response.. dead-line communication.. damned hurt..
but somehow.. how impatient i may be, i will wait till after exams.. then c how...
if still deadline communication, i will just drop e whole thing..
i still dunno how to move on.. but at least yesterday i get to c him.. feel much better..now i can go n study.. :P wun miss him wat.. hahahah damned stupid lor
berty succeeds to move on.. so happy 4 him.. i wana have this type of strength to move on.. to just try to forget him ahhh..
anyway...
this is the story of a very lame girl who is in luv with the rite rind of wrong rite?? :P
ahh one more thing..yesterday.. seeing talking sso fervently.. i wanted to tell him "i like you" no.. in fact it was much more , wanted to tell him " hey, i luv u"... but i did not...
i like to watch him talk about business.. so charismatic.. :P
luv luv him lor..
i just hope that this is not just a whole mistakes.. my frenz told me that he is no good.. but listening to him yesterday, still makes me think that he is not a bad guy.. i like guys who pretend to be cool.. but inside such a tender heart...but these types of guys r hard to get... bcuz they r protecting themselves with a hard shell.. :(
my deepest fear.. is to find him with another girl.. to find that he likes in another girl.. yesterday he talks about cara .. i feel jealous lor.. somehow it never happen before.. this is wat really worries me... i cannot stand jealousy.. n i wun stand myself being jealous.. i think that i will hate myself...damned...
dun wana think about it...
hate him

11.22 am in singapore

yesterday was my slacking day.. was so tired lor..
then i spent the whole day doing one stupid design for sports comm that nobody likes.. i feel misunderstood.. they just dun understand the meeting of the design... it is about an archer who is throwing lightings.. in fact he is in a cloud pushed by the winds.... but the meaning is much more than thaty.. it's shows several natural elements of weather.. but i personally interpret it as either comet or storm.. but comet is more likely bcuz of the force it loks like going... so sad...
so i was pretty down.. especially when they just have no reaction.. so damn painfulll
i spent the whole day for peanuts.. for nothing lor... then at nite, could not study.. i feel tood down..
then i miss him also... so i message him.. wana chitchat.. we watch a movie "The Duel" one of my fav movie bcuz got vickie n kristy cheung.. two actresses that i find the most pretty lor... :) the story line is okie one.. i watched it before in mandarin but at some part i couldnot understand... so this time, i watched in cantonese.. i understand much better :P
then we talks.. we talk about skoll life.. i think that he is quite stress.. n dunno what to do.. so he dreams about opening a business.. he thinks that he got a good marketing plan, so i was debating with him about business prospective.. very exciting.. but no that much when he always got the solution to back me off.. then at one time, i relly dunno what to say..
in fact business os okie, but dropping out for it, i think that it is quite serious lah. he said that he is waiting for an opportunity, wat opp?? need k lor. so i think thatthe idea was quite far-fetched. he said that he dun want 2 b like most people to work their way up.. i know this is also how i visualize my futur also, working my way up..
but mostly, i think that he can do it, he got the ambitions and guts to do it, he is quite sure about the need of a good marketing plan.. i really wish him lots of luck, but i also dun wan him to fall down n suddenly wake up n see that it was just a stupid dream but then it would have been so late.. so sad.. i dun wan him to drop skol just bcuk he feels that he is only going to get 2000 sin dollars p[er month afterwards...
but i do admire him... so charismatic lor, i like his way to b different, total opp of me ah..

i still think that he is stres... poor baby...
hungry.. makane makane

steffy

just install that comment things..
dun hesitate.. hahah

luv
steffy

9.27 am in Singapore

dear diary

in study room now.. so tired. slept only 5 hours last note or should i say this morning... damne tired lor.. back pain pain.. neck stiff
but i keep telling myself that this is only for the exams n that hard work will reap good results... i know this sounds damn lame lor but at least it gives me courage to go on.. :)
as soon as this exams over, i sleep for 2-3 days non-stop lor.. hahaha
the girls wer talking this morning how couples seem to crop up out of nowhere just before the exams started.... bcuz of stress.. yeah i really understand them lor.. when u r really stress, u need someone to talk to you.. no need to have lots of people.. only one suffices.. :) need a god massage.. n tender words that make u wana make the world go round... :) but i dun hav one.. *sighs*
somehow i really miss him.. what is our problem i dunno n cannot specify... what is the outcome, i cannot generate bcuz of lack of data.. what is the input.. this, i know.. but the output seems to be one-stream one.. one channel active only.. without interactive communication or both sided channel.. nothing could be processed lor.. the handshaking failed... the transaction cannot be proceeded... the whole system will just break down..
at first i really thought that the initial problem is the exams and studying and the solution proposed could be patience and after the exams... but the whole calculations wer wrong and misleading... so when the whole system is evalued again, certain factors wer found to be missing...may be lost or may be inexistant...
therefore, as this non-stop process, yet hopeless one, continues, the analyst feels like the work is in vain one.....
so, he will just shut down everything..n try not save any work.. any false data... n try to move on to the next project..
i really feel like letting go.. i really feel like moving on.. i really feel that he just does not belong to me...
i wana so much so spend a whole day to ponder about the whole thing.. but dun have time...
anyway c how after exams.. :)
if i'm lucky, i will just 4get him.. unlucky, i can just go n die.. :P

When somebody gives you a sexy look, you know they're trying. It's terrible! But when you smile, it's so much sexier!
Carol Alt 1960-, American Model

i found this soo funny.. sometimes u just like it when people know how to appreciate you even how damned lousy one may be..
i dun care if i'm not the prettiest girl in the world, dun acre if i dun ahve a brain like Eistein, dun care if i'm not that good in anything..
i'm just me.. sometimes airhead.. sometimes in the clouds.. sometimes not existing.. sometimes very blurr..sometimes dumb like dumbo.. sometimes lousy as never..
it's just me.. take me as i may be... bcuz i will just dun care wat people may think i am.. i am i..

12.32 in singapore

dear diary
hor sien lor.... been studying practically whole nite lor...
later got test computing one.. only 5 % of the whole.. so irritating...
this sunday is his birthday.. i dunno wat to do,, but i wun do anything..just on that day, i will wish him happy birthday...
it's been 2 weeks since we have not seen each other .. except yesterday saw him on the bus stop but that does not really count lor..
so sad... i may just string at his picture for fun.. n he does look so cute in that ibg tennistable picture..
ah he got into badmington & tabletennis.. :P of course.. soi koi...

i'm homesick.. wana go hom... e otehr day when i fone hime, talk to daddy.. man,,, i really miss em all..
daddy was asking me what was i doing.. told him studying..which was damned true lor.. :P i hope that he is not worry about me..
but he told me not to go out very often.. then i told hjm that cannot since the exams r coming... so sad..
but i feel like going hom lor.. i wana talk to my sisters.. n hug them all.. i wana chat n gossip with my sisters,, tell them what was happening over here.. pester them around..
but i have to wait like 8 more months.. i swear that as soon as exams over, not more than 1 week afterwards, i will try to go backk...

soo sad... :(

luv
steffy

A farmer who had a quarrelsome family called his sons and told them to lay a bunch of sticks before him. Then, after laying the sticks parallel to one another and binding them, he challenged his sons, one after one, to pick up the bundle and break it. They all tried, but in vain. Then, untying the bundle, he gave them the sticks to break one by one. This they did with the greatest ease. Then said the father, Thus, my sons, as long as you remain united, you are a match for anything, but differ and separate, and you are undone.
Author: Aesop 620-560 BC, Greek Fabulist

2.54 am in Singapore

dear diary..
today was a hard day.. i really thought that it was the end of everything lor...
first.. my guarantors abandoned me.. why ahhhh
anyway dun care..
then got scolded by the officer over there.. i was almost crying ahhhhh..
wat a fucking day...
then seeing one of my guarantor.. have to smile .. pretend that everything is alrite... n that it's okie.. soo hard..
why people r like that... do they know how pain it is to hurt other people or not..
then i was soo fed up wiz this stupid life.. that i went to study in reading room.. i was feeling like being alone.. n have some peace of mind...
anyway.. the forms .. i sent them to my mum.. n tell her to help me.. i'mm fed up of relying on other people... i hate to rely on people...
anyway.. lettting go..
fortunately.. gonzess said that we go out n eat.. we went to ikea n eat.. it was soo good...
then now my stupid roommate is putting her music damned loud .. i'm tired.. i need to go n sleep... i piss off on her... she is super irritating.. i ahte her soo much.. why cant she just stay in malaysia ahh.. why must i have roommate.. i hope the greenman com n take her name... i will be soo happyy... she is damned stupid or wat.. may be she is just so styupidly blind.. cant see the time ahh..
macrelle lahh... bez so mama, foutour.. liziers coter.. dan fesse non? bezer ti pitin lahh.. pa fer moi arager la, macrelle.. mo fout toi ene bez....
li plein moi.. mari enkor.. pa kapav guet so face.. net tryv li, gagne plein.. ek mo fini coummance arrager tou..
omg.. here she sings.. damned.. she must be super hyper stupid or lousyyy...
just shut up ur damned mouth...

go to he;lll, stupid roommate..

steffy

2.19 am in Singapore

dear diary
so tired n so full..
just had the steamboat party for karen's birthday.. she does lokk sooo happyu.. n that make us all so happy...
it was a total surprise.. :P
i gave her the sqaure necklace.. i really hope that she louves it..
i ask him to come down but he is so anti-social.
the aprty was fun,.. lots of food... and we even watch a movie afterwards.. so cool..
but one thing that i'm damned worried is that i may not get the money back.. omg.. plz dun let this happen again.. mum is gonna kill me...
i swear that this will be the last bday party that i'm gonna do with my money.. they never gave me the money last time...

but still he was not there.. but anyway, he will be so uneasy among all these people..
i dunno ley..
but i was thinking of having another crush on another person.. may be that would make me forget about him..one person is cropping into my mind.. but he tends to be sooo childish.. unlike him wat.. i'm confused.. but when i think about it deeply.. i'm confused...
but i just know that if he does not like me, i will move on...
the other note, i ask gonzesse to buy his porc floss.. but i did not go n give him.. i ask gonzesse to do it 4 me..
he thinks that i gave to him which is true.. but which i also denied,.,.. i dun want him to think that i'm throwing myself over him.. so embarassing...
anyway..
exams r coming.. soryy ah.. but i will be switching everything off.. so wun see me for a long time.. :P
he just went to sleep.. his nick no more on icq...*sighs*

luv
steffy

Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
Dr. Karl Menninger