9.49 am in Singapore

Dear Diary..
yesterday nite he just told me that in the end, he cannot commit..
before that nite, i was out clubbing.. n when i was like damned high, i phone him to tell him that i luv him.. n y he always with my heart..
that nite he never replay wen i ask him whether he luv or not... then i broke down n cry.. i cry all my soul...
how i hated him.. yeah he finally make me cry like the cry that i really dun want to do..then i think taht i know that it wase last drop..
then last nite we talk.. on messenger as usual.. n he told me that he cannot commit,,,
he broke my heart...
wat am i supposed to do.. i told him taht as if i ahve a say... i cannot do anything but accept rite??
dear diary...
sorrryy i really need to move on...
this is gonna b my last entry...
end

pieces by pieces, i'm trying to mend the most valuable thing that i have n lost alreadi

1/1/2003 5:20:39 AM | gemma lee]
5.01 pm in mauritius..

Dear Diary

happy new year 2003...
last nite as always i make the wish of the year with the usual hope that it may come true.. may be u think that i was wishing for him n me to be together.. but u r wrong.. deeply wrong.. in fact wen on e last strike of midnite i really wonder... my fav nick.. hahah i really wonder.. i wondefr about my life about wat i have done this year.. wat i have achieved... well tks God ... Thks a lots..
Thks You my Lord .. Thks a lots for all the good times.. for all the fun.. for making one of my greatest wish come true,... i'm 4ever grateful.. i really do.. i may not be the perfect human being on earth but i'm grateful.. thks a lots..
then i wish that the next year will be as properous n peaceful.. i wish that my family will always be healthy and great... i wish e same 4 all my frenz.. old ones n new ones// or anyone that deserve some peace and some blessings.. i always ask for theblessings of all the people i know in my prayers.. they may not know but i do pray.. i pray each time taht i can. when i feel that something can be wrong.. i even pray for people that i may not know.. for people who do wrong to me.. i dun care... may be they dun care but i do ..
i wish that my life at temasek hall will be a continuous one as in all my life in nus.. i wish that i ahve the time to do more community service.. to do more good actions.. to be less blurred.. to be more joyful.. to be more of a hearing ear.. to be good.. to be nice...
well diary... sory to disapoint u but i did not wish that he will luv me by next year hahah i think that sometimes one must know what is the most important thing in the world.. luv is definitely not one of them if i get to choose.. in fact i really wonders.. issit?? could it be?? i really dunno.. i feel that i should start anew... may be be somebody else... i think that these days have been weird... they did not help me think about that.. okie i think of him at least once a day but... at midnite yesterday i was confused as if everything was put into question.. i fear that i will fall for him again.. may be i should b strong...
well life will decide..
i go off now...
next entry will b singapore time heyheye..
byebye mauritius.. later got something to say upon it hahah

steffy
[edit]

5.01 pm in mauritius..

Dear Diary

happy new year 2003...
last nite as always i make the wish of the year with the usual hope that it may come true.. may be u think that i was wishing for him n me to be together.. but u r wrong.. deeply wrong.. in fact wen on e last strike of midnite i really wonder... my fav nick.. hahah i really wonder.. i wondefr about my life about wat i have done this year.. wat i have achieved... well tks God ... Thks a lots..
Thks You my Lord .. Thks a lots for all the good times.. for all the fun.. for making one of my greatest wish come true,... i'm 4ever grateful.. i really do.. i may not be the perfect human being on earth but i'm grateful.. thks a lots..
then i wish that the next year will be as properous n peaceful.. i wish that my family will always be healthy and great... i wish e same 4 all my frenz.. old ones n new ones// or anyone that deserve some peace and some blessings.. i always ask for theblessings of all the people i know in my prayers.. they may not know but i do pray.. i pray each time taht i can. when i feel that something can be wrong.. i even pray for people that i may not know.. for people who do wrong to me.. i dun care... may be they dun care but i do ..
i wish that my life at temasek hall will be a continuous one as in all my life in nus.. i wish that i ahve the time to do more community service.. to do more good actions.. to be less blurred.. to be more joyful.. to be more of a hearing ear.. to be good.. to be nice...
well diary... sory to disapoint u but i did not wish that he will luv me by next year hahah i think that sometimes one must know what is the most important thing in the world.. luv is definitely not one of them if i get to choose.. in fact i really wonders.. issit?? could it be?? i really dunno.. i feel that i should start anew... may be be somebody else... i think that these days have been weird... they did not help me think about that.. okie i think of him at least once a day but... at midnite yesterday i was confused as if everything was put into question.. i fear that i will fall for him again.. may be i should b strong...
well life will decide..
i go off now...
next entry will b singapore time heyheye..
byebye mauritius.. later got something to say upon it hahah

steffy

5.40 pm in Mauritius

Dear diary...
i wish so much that he is here by my side.. i really miss him so much.. but i wonder.. i really do.. am i going out wiz him.. issit a dream?? he never promise or say anything.. i regret so much that i ask him that.. ask him whether he likes me or not.. he said he not sure.. then how about i?? i'm so sure that i like him.. wat his prob.. may be he really stuck as far as feelings are concerned.. i hope so much taht he missed me too...
e other day.. i met ffwdguy.. he was wiz pang.. well u wun believe it.. he fell in luv with me.. ayo.. one more trouble.. hope that he wun bother meee.. ayya so many trouble alreadi with pang.. he kept telling me that since e day that we met, he has always luv me.. aya wat am i supposed to do if the feelings is not mutual.. well i understand.. if winsun just tell me that the feelings is not reciprocal.. then i will do my best to 4get him.. i swear.. but not sure about his feelingsz 4 me is so misleading n confusing.. help me God..
but i did not spend my whole time here thinking about huim... i went dancing e otehr nite... waren kept buying stuff 4 me n even pay my entry.. ayay.. must not give him hope.. then got my little neighbour.. kenny.. haha he is quite cute.. but.. soooo... ayoo..
i wanted to 4get him here.. but it's quite dfficult hor./. ayyaya...
like him so much wat..
enfin.. c how when i come back.. should not 4gett o bring wat he wants.l. bottle of win n vodka.. :)

go lahh..
ciao...
merry xmas n hapy n

8.43 in Mauritius..

dear diary.,,,
sad ahhh..
he does not even know whether he likes me or not.. i doubts,, i not even sure whether this is e rite thing to do.. to luv him

i wonders... *sigh*

11.29 am in Singapore

dear diary

everything was just lika a fairy tale .. so nice.. soo good.. we went out.. watch movie.. e james bond movie.. though i may not like to watch that movie.. but i was sooo happy that i was going with him that rea;;y othing could matters...
we went out on the next nite also.. went out 4 dinner... we hold hands.. it was soooo great.. i really thought that things could b different... really different,. n becoming special... everything was really like a dream..
but then.... suddenly... out of the blue...
yesterday i wanted to spend the day with him.. i'm going back this wed.. but i think that the feeling was not recprocal... i waited the whole dayy... waited.. i hate waiting.. i got na patience at all.. i kow.. but i waited... i also waited for him to finish his movie.. i dunno wat rat race.. then i suddenly realize that he just does not wana go... so i told him that if he did not want to go out, it's okie..yeahh.. i was rite.. he said he is too lazy to go out... wat was i supposed to do.. i was all dressed.. n waiting like the most complete fool that i am.. i was hurt.. nahh i was more than hurt.. disapointed... i was let down.. i dun care.. i go out anyway... i wun let him ruin my day.. if not alreadi..
then later.. he did went out.. went out with his fren to hav dinner n watch movie.. the last drop..cannot take it anymore... too much.. tired tiireedd..

* to be continued.. another DAY..

10.27 am in Singapore

Dear Diary...

he is back...
the other nite i was damned sick ahh.. it was soo painful.. having the whole body shivering , head ache, oulalalal but after one nite, i feel much better.. in fact it was less than one nite lor... he message me that nite.. told him i was sick. he looked so concern... i asked him whether he missed me or not, he said that he has been thinkinf about me day n nite.. but i still dunno whether he is bluffing n making fun of my feelings agains... i dare not say that i miss him again... not to make a fool of myself..
but i was really happy that the first thing that he did while getting into singapore is to message me.. so happy.. he has not even reached hall yet.. *sigh*..

yesterday, i asked him to come down.. to eat what i cook.. he actually come down.. may be he did not eat much bcuz he was full alreadi.. but he came down.. it was sooo great... then later we watch that stupid war movie.. but it was okie.. i was happy.. tht's e point ...then i asked him whether he wanted to go clubbing this saturday.. he said dun want.. but he want to go movie.. watch e james bobd movie (dun like james bond) but i said y not... :)
soooo happyy.. but i still wonders.. issit e game again.. wat will happen after e holidays.. i'm going back.. wil it b game over? or just e begining of a new game...
oulalala dilemna////...

*sigh*..
wat i fear now is how to tell my comm that i need to go back.. i really cannot make it.. n my family needs me now..
need to go... need to run away...